July 2026
If your friend is facing an unexpected pregnancy, she may be feeling overwhelming and conflicting emotions. She faces big decisions and she may be impacted by a lot of fears. As her friend, you can have a role in helping her gain perspective, hope, and discernment as she makes important pregnancy decisions. Through open conversation, you can help her become more aware of her circumstances, perceptions, hopes, and heart in the situation, so that fears don’t overwhelm her decision-making.
Understanding Her Situation, Fears, and Heart
Below are some simple steps you can take to help your friend explore her circumstances, fears, other perspectives, and her hopes and values. Through this process, she can know herself better and become empowered to make a decision aligned with her heart.
STEP ONE: Navigating Circumstances and Fears
Encourage her to talk about her circumstances and fears she’s facing. Ask her to share what her current situation is and how an unplanned pregnancy might affect her life. Some examples of circumstances are finances, housing, relationships, education, health, age, and dreams or goals.
Use this time to explore her fears about her situation, her pregnancy, the pressures she’s facing, and those she anticipates. When we’re afraid, our self-talk can sway our perspective, making our situation feel impossible to navigate. It is helpful to articulate these fears so they can be addressed. They may be very legitimate concerns, but speaking them aloud or writing them down can be a great first step to discovering if there are solutions to be found or other perspectives to consider.
Perception: “I’d consider adoption, except I am so afraid…” Click to see more…
For example, she may express a fear like, “I can’t give up a baby for adoption, people would think I’m a terrible person, even if I can’t raise a baby right now.” Fear of judgment and rejection is making this choice seem impossible, even if she would want to consider adoption otherwise.
Something to consider:
Realistically, not everyone around her will likely understand an adoption decision, and you can sympathize with that. However, together, you could also explore another perspective: that adoption may be the biggest gift she could ever give a couple longing to be parents, and some people would recognize that. Additionally, there is the potential for her to be part of that child’s life, getting to witness the impact of her gift over time.
STEP TWO: Exploring Other Perspectives and Hopes
As a friend, you can help her explore whether there could be other outcomes or perspectives, rather than the ones based in fear. Where can she add hope, and what difference would that make? What if her circumstances change, and should she make her decision based solely on what is happening now?
It can help in a pregnancy decision to identify fear-based perceptions that make a situation seem impossible and consider alternative points of view. Consider these examples and how you could speak to your friend, allowing her another way to consider her pregnancy and possible positive outcomes:
Perception: “I can’t do this – I feel alone!”
Although the pregnancy decision is hers to make, she is not alone. You can affirm your support and help her identify others who may walk with her, such as a partner, family members, friends, or community resources like a local pregnancy care centre. You might also offer to research support options together.
Perception: “It feels impossible to proceed with this pregnancy.”
Something to consider:
Each pregnancy option may affect her life and future in different ways. For example, you can share that a parenting decision may feel daunting and may change her plans, but it does not need to limit her future. While parenting would hold its challenges, it can be extremely worthwhile and rewarding. Even with an unexpected pregnancy, she can open the doors to new dreams, goals, and a life path that can be very beautiful.
Perception: “My … (housing, financials, schooling, relationships, etc.) cannot cope with this pregnancy… I cannot see a future working out.”
Something to consider:
It’s possible some of these things may be true, but it is not impossible to navigate. These factors may be impacted by a pregnancy. Some circumstances may have to change and adapt to her new reality. Circumstances can change in a week or a year. For example, she may be afraid of telling her parents, as they could be angry. However, with some time, they may come around and look forward to the role of grandparent.
STEP THREE: Awareness of Her Heart and Values
What are her values and beliefs, and how can they speak into her pregnancy decisions instead of fears? You can also ask her what her values are regarding abortion, adoption, and parenting, and what she knows and thinks about when life begins, pregnancy, and parenthood. Her heart, conscience, and hopes can be overlooked when fears overwhelm decision-making, so it is important to talk through her values so she can make decisions with them in mind and see how they might impact her circumstances and perspectives.
Support that Counts
You can be a comforting presence to help a friend process her unexpected pregnancy and the fear that may come with it. By being aware of and helping to navigate the fears she’s facing, you can help your friend walk through the realities of her situation and discern hope and opportunity where she may only see frightening impossibilities. Helping her explore other perspectives of her circumstances, and understanding her heart can allow her to make a well-considered pregnancy decision.
Reassure her of your love, care, and support and that she is not alone in the journey. You can also connect your friend with a pregnancy care centre to walk alongside her and build her support network during this season.
