Understanding the Hidden Grief and Loss of Abortion

October 2025

by Pregnancy Care Canada*

Understanding the Hidden Grief and Loss of Abortion: Healing When Grief Has Nowhere to Go

A Hidden Grief

Every person’s experience with abortion is unique. Some feel immediate relief, while others are surprised by lingering emotions: sadness, guilt, anger, anxiety, or a deep sense of emptiness. These feelings may appear days, months, or even years later. Yet, because abortion is often discussed as a medical or social issue rather than a personal loss, many people struggle to name what they feel or to find understanding support. This unspoken pain can quietly shape emotional health, relationships, and self-worth.

When Loss Isn’t Recognized

For some, abortion represents the loss of more than a pregnancy; it can feel like the loss of possibility, identity, or connection. But because this loss isn’t publicly acknowledged, it often goes ungrieved. People may wonder, “Am I even allowed to feel this way?” Without permission to express sorrow, they may hide their emotions and feel increasingly isolated. Recognizing that a loss has occurred is not about politics or blame—it’s about acknowledging that something deeply personal has changed and that care is needed.

Disenfranchised Grief: The Grief That Has No Place

Psychologists describe “disenfranchised grief” as sorrow that society does not acknowledge or support. This type of grief often remains hidden and unresolved. After abortion, it can sound like silence—the inability to speak about what happened, or the fear of being misunderstood if one tries. When grief has nowhere to go, it can turn inward, manifesting as anxiety, irritability, or disconnection. Healing begins when there is space to share the truth of one’s experience and be met with compassion instead of judgment.[1]

The Weight of Silence

Many people carry their pain alone. Because abortion is often treated as a private matter, secrecy can add to the burden. Some fear that sharing their feelings will invite criticism or rejection, while others believe they have no right to grieve. But silence does not erase pain. It simply buries it. Talking with someone who listens with empathy, whether a trusted friend, counsellor, or pregnancy care centre worker, can be the first step toward release and understanding.

Common Emotions: Guilt, Regret, and Confusion

Some individuals experience guilt or regret after an abortion and find it hard to move forward. Others may feel conflicted—grieving what was lost while believing they made the best decision they could at the time. These complex emotions are normal responses to a profound experience. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means finding a way to live in peace with one’s story.

Finding Safe and Compassionate Support

Processing abortion-related emotions requires a space that is confidential, understanding, and free from pressure or judgment. Unfortunately, such spaces can be hard to find. Pregnancy care centres across Canada offer confidential post abortion support to help individuals explore what they’re feeling, understand their experience, and begin to heal. Whether someone needs to talk once or over time, these conversations can restore hope and self-compassion.

Steps Toward Healing

Healing is not a straight line. It often unfolds in stages: acknowledging the loss, expressing emotion, finding meaning, and discovering hope for the future. While each person’s journey is different, many find peace through small, tangible acts of remembrance: writing a letter, lighting a candle, planting a tree, or creating a private moment of goodbye.

No one should have to face pain alone. Support and understanding can turn grief into growth and bring quiet strength back into daily life.

For some, the journey toward peace also opens deeper spiritual questions about forgiveness, purpose, and love. The Christian faith offers a message of grace: that no experience is beyond redemption and that hope can be found through Jesus Christ.

If You Need Support

If you recognize yourself in these words—if you’ve felt sadness, confusion, or unresolved emotions following an abortion—you are not alone.

Pregnancy Care Canada and our network of local pregnancy care centres provide confidential, compassionate post abortion support. You’ll find caring people who will listen, without judgment, and help you take steps toward emotional and spiritual well-being.

Learn more about post-abortion support here or connect with a local Pregnancy Care Centre near you.