February 2026
by Rebecca Peters
When Relationships Feel Hard: Understanding Healthy Boundaries
Have you ever said yes when you wanted to say no?
Have you agreed to something that you aren’t comfortable with?
When relationships feel confusing or unbalanced, the missing piece is often healthy boundaries. Many of us were never taught what boundaries are, how to set them, and what a healthy relationship looks like.
What Boundaries Really Are (and Aren’t)
When you hear the word “boundaries,” what image comes to mind?
Boundaries can be like a fence—they define where one area ends, and another begins. Boundaries protect us from harm and prevent us from engaging in behaviours that may hurt us. They are an important part of healthy, balanced relationships.
Boundaries are not punishment, rejection, or selfishness. They are not a way to push people away or to control someone else. And a boundary is not about changing another person; it is about being clear about what is healthy for you.
Boundaries are protection, clarity, and a path to healthier relationships. When both people know what is acceptable and what is not, the relationship feels safe, respectful, and balanced.
Why Boundaries Feel So Hard to Set
Setting boundaries can feel difficult and uncomfortable for many reasons. You may feel bad for disappointing someone. You may fear conflict or rejection. If you tend to avoid tension, boundaries can feel like you’re “causing problems,” even when what you’re doing is the right thing for you.
You may also sense that some people may not like the boundaries you set. Change can feel threatening, especially if someone is used to having unlimited access to your space, time, or emotions. However, in healthy relationships, even if someone does not fully understand at first, there is a willingness to listen and grow toward respecting your boundaries.
Signs You May Need Stronger Boundaries
Have you ever:
- Shared personal details about your life with people you don’t know well or can’t trust?
- Neglected or abandoned your values to please someone else?
- Allowed others to enter your personal space when you want to be left alone?
- Accepted physical or emotional intimacy that you don’t want in order to make someone else happy?
If you answered yes, you are not alone. These are common behaviours, especially for those who struggle to have or maintain healthy boundaries. The result can be embarrassment, regret, discomfort, or shame. We may even feel abandoned—not because others left us, but because we did not protect ourselves.
What Healthy Boundaries Can Look Like
Healthy boundaries are not abstract ideas; they show up in everyday interactions.
Healthy boundaries:
- Allow you to share personal information appropriately
- Support your values
- Safeguard your emotional well-being
- Protect your physical space
- Strengthen your sense of self
- Honour the physical and/or emotional intimacy you desire
Types of Healthy Boundaries
Physical boundaries keep you comfortable and safe. For example, you might tell someone you’re not comfortable getting a hug. If a physical space belongs to you, you have the right to decide how it is used and who has access to it.
Emotional boundaries help ensure others respect your emotional well-being and internal comfort. You might use emotional boundaries to prevent being overwhelmed by other people’s feelings. For example, recognizing that you are not responsible for another person’s reaction when you say no.
Intellectual boundaries protect your personal ideas and beliefs. These boundaries are crossed when someone dismisses or belittles your ideas and beliefs. These can be ideas or beliefs you have about religion or faith, the environment, politics, parenting, etc.
Material and financial boundaries include your finances and belongings. Setting material boundaries may involve not lending or giving away items or money when you would rather not.
Time boundaries allow you to focus on your priorities and goals without feeling crowded by other people’s demands. It might look like resting after a busy week instead of going out or asking a partner to delay a conversation until a more convenient time.
Sexual boundaries include protecting your right to consent to any sexual activity and determining the type of sexual activity you are comfortable with. Sexual boundaries define what kind of sexual intimacy you want and with whom.
Digital boundaries help you get the best out of the online world while protecting yourself from its negative aspects. Setting digital boundaries and taking digital breaks can improve your personal well-being and the health of your relationships.
How to Start Setting Boundaries
It can be challenging to set a boundary. Even in a healthy relationship, there can be resistance because most people don’t like change.
If setting boundaries is new or difficult for you, start small. Decide on the boundary you want to set and know your reason for it. Try writing down both the boundary and the reason. Put it in your phone or somewhere visible as a reminder.
Next, decide how you will communicate this boundary and who needs to know. If you feel nervous about what to say, write it out and practice with a trusted friend or in front of a mirror. You can do this!
Maintaining Healthy Boundaries
The reality is that not everyone will respect your boundaries all the time. Sometimes your boundaries will need to be reinforced. Rather than being afraid to do this, think of it as an opportunity to build your strength, like lifting a weight to build muscle—it can be difficult in the moment, but the result is worth it.
When a boundary is crossed, remain calm and clarify what you need and expect in the relationship. If a boundary continues to be crossed, it may be necessary to state a consequence that you are willing to enforce.
For example, if someone has a habit of talking down to you, you could say, “I feel disrespected when you talk to me like that. If you do that again, I will end the conversation.” Then follow through with the consequence. If you don’t follow through, the other person may feel free to overstep your boundaries again.
Although it can feel scary to set and enforce boundaries, over time you will feel empowered because you are placing value on yourself. You are becoming stronger, and the people who respect your boundaries are the ones you can have healthy relationships with.
Taking the First Step Toward Healthier Relationships
At the beginning, we said boundaries are like a fence. And just like building a fence, setting boundaries can take time, and you may need help.
Healthy relationships are not something we instinctively know how to build; they are something we learn. If you are struggling to identify unhealthy relationships and build healthy ones, a support worker at a pregnancy care centre can help. Many PCC-affiliated centres offer healthy relationship resources and support, either one-on-one or in a group format.
If you would like more information or support, you can find a pregnancy care centre near you.